Chennai Blues

July 14, 2011

I am leaving Chennai in a few weeks. Leaving to a totally new land. Leaving behind 21 years of my life here. There is so much I am going to miss, but there is also so much that is awaiting me at the other end of the world. I am nervous, excited, nostalgic, sentimental, bouncy and hyper all at the same time.

I will miss my filter kaapi in the mornings. I will miss shouting for it the moment I wake up. I will miss being offered steaming hot brown kaapi right into my hands.

I will miss wearing sarees at weddings. I will miss the flowers I occasionally wear with my plait.

I will miss roaming around the city with my friends. I will miss being teased by them. I will miss all the gossip and the egos.

I will miss West Mambalam, though it is not my home. If some place in Chennai could symbolize me, then it has to be this place. Tam-Brahm Mami’s and jeans clad teens.

I will miss reading Harry Potter and Roald Dahl with my sister. I will miss irritating her when she plays Snake on the phone.

Sometimes I wish I never had to leave. I could take up a job in Chennai, get married, settle down here near Mom and Dad…and live happily ever after.

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Kedi Minus

July 6, 2011

That is what I will call my yet-to-be-released, very exclusive, super addictive social networking site. What if every other enterprise got the idea to start their very own social network? What would be the features included? What could we expect to share, see and opine on those sites? These are a few possible scenarios.

Hi5’s “Stomp”

How many of us actually remember Hi5? I vaguely recollect that there was a scrap book, which Orkut aped. This time Hi5 comes without Likes or +1s. Instead, you can stomp, stamp and slap statuses and photos, like how Hi5 was stomped, stamped and slapped upon by Orkut.

Orkut’s “Revenge”

This is named after what Orkut Buyukkokten wanted once he saw Facebook emerge as the clear winner. This may also come to be Facebook’s future name after Google+ opens registration to all.

Facebook 2.0

This is like Chitti v.2.0. It is malicious, despicable…and boring after a certain point of time. Just like how the original version is.

Yahoo’s “Boo-hoo”

Why should Yahoo keep quiet with Gmail driving it out of its own den? So, it comes up with Boo-hoo which is full of advertisements for matrimony, photos of Bollywood beauties, hot gossip of what is happening in the Hindi tele-serial world and the latest news about behind-the-screen activities from the lamest reality show.

Hotmail’s HotSpot

HotSpot is more of a certified stalking site than a social networking site. It allows users to rate a profile as HOT or NOT and will display the hottest profile on the top, much to the pleasure of its male users.

Twitter’s Nutter

This is especially for the clan that loves to stalk celebrities. Twitter’s Nutter is a quintessential social networking site that will have the same features as Twitter, although the name is changed just so that people believe that Twitter is also developing new things. The inappropriate hash tags, random stalkers passing lewd comments and shameless people pleading everyone to follow them will still be the salient feature of this Twitter Nutter.

Kedi Minus

This will have the much wanted “dislike” button and a minus button where you could fill in the number of minuses you want. This is expected to give a “who has got the least number of minuses” craze analogous to Facebook’s “likes” craze.

Very soon we are going to have to maintain profiles in at least three social networking sites. Imagine the confusion, arguments and differences in opinion it will cause. There will be a bunch of “I hate Boo-Hoo” pages on Stomp and “Nutter sucks” pages on Revenge. Franshippers will crowd these sites subsequently which will prompt more elite networking sites to spring up. God save the world.

Blogger Kinds

July 3, 2011

Everyone blogs these days – which is a very good thing. Everyone thinks they are very good at it – which is not so good. Everyone pesters everyone else to read their blogs – which is downright annoying. Why would it not be so when all blogs seem to fall into stereotypes as rigid as a chiselled stone? Most blogs fall under one or the other of the below category.

The rant-a-phillic

These pretentious folks rant about everything: the heat in Chennai, the rains in Mumbai, their exams, their love life, their careers…everything under the sun. They are like octogenarian paati’s who are perpetually at dismay with the world around them.

A sample,

Avan Ivan – A R(ant)eview

What is with Bala these days? Seriously, what is with him? For the amount we spend on movie tickets, we certainly do not expect to see a rerun of Pithamagan, only with different heroes. Maybe it is the whole of the Tamil Film Industry to be blamed. After all, they were the ones who keep making rustic film after rustic film. Alright, a good majority of Tamil Nadu are its villages. But really, we are all sick of watching aruval sandai and dying heroines and azhukku heroes! But in the name of sophistication, we cannot be put through torture like Engeyum Kadhal too!

Note importantly that, throughout the rant Vishal’s acting seems to have been forgotten. So have been other good Tamil flicks.

The Quiz Masters

This is another burgeoning trend. Though I have no qualms about it, I write about it just to classify the various blogs I have come across. These quizzers put up question after question of unimportant information and pride themselves when they answer abstract questions. Neither the question nor the answer makes sense to us laymen, so I keep quiet and let them be.

For example.

Which river gets its name from the Tamil word for a person well versed in the science of ground water?

The answer? The river Cooum. Since this pops up in every conversation we participate in, we might as well know this important piece of information.

The Shakespeares

They own poetry blogs. All of them invariably write about love, sunshine, rain, the sky, trees, scenic beauty, emotions, sadness, blah, blah and blah. They sprinkle salt on the open wound by begging, nagging and forcing people to read their poems and comment on them.

Like this,

Heart

You heart, you pump blood

Due to which my emotions flood

On seeing her, my fair dame

To win her heart, am I game?

She walked by, with tears in her eyes

Totally unanswered were my how’s and why’s

She told me of her wish to wed

Someone else and my heart turned to lead!

I understand how you feel after reading it. I feel sorry for you. You feel sorry for me to have tolerated such poetry.

The Photography Blog

These people swear by excessive photoshopped works. To every photo they click, this is their mantra:

Crop, blur, tint, saturate.

A cluster of these surreal photos and you can start your very own blog to showcase your amateur photography skills.

The List Makers

These people are like me. They make lists of everything. Either that or bullets or charts or highly structured essays that resemble research papers. I strongly defend them as they belong to the clan of few of the most organized people in the blogosphere.

There are so many more that could be added to the list – cookery blogs, tech blogs, rage comics and rants in localparty style as far as I can remember. Whatever is the genre, and whatever has been said, blogging still remains a pleasure to all bloggers.