Total Waste Management

April 16, 2011

I have never been much of a “management” person. Meaning – I have never been attracted to pursuing a career in management, entrepreneurship or human resource development. So when courses on management, finance and accounting are thrust upon me during the last year of college, it is only natural that I make a long face and try to ward off the bad elements. Try as I might, it is beyond my powers to change the syllabus or the professor who teaches it. Every time I start to study for my Total Quality Management paper, I go through extended periods of imagining how the principles of TQM could possibly be of use to me in my life. What results is such a blog post, full of twisted flawed versions of what Deming, Taguchi  and Ishikawa spent their whole life propagating.

For example, this is how I studied the 5W1H technique:

What is the problem? I hate TQM.

Where is it happening? Duh, in most undergrad’s life.

When is it happening? In a time when we are supposed to enjoy college life just when it is about to end.

Why is it happening? Pure bad luck.

How can you overcome this problem? Murder the professor? 

Who do you need to get involved? Someone who can teach me to learn this subject within the snap of my fingers.

When will you know you have solved the problem? Only when I pass this goddamned course.

Below is a tree diagram of how I typically study any subject. It has been slightly exaggerated to accommodate my mechanism of studying TQM.

Ever heard of PDCA? It’s the Plan-Do-Check-Act cycle. I remember it as a Pointless Dumb Chart to Annoy students.  It is one of the most useless things that people can make students study when it is evident that students excel more than anyone in planning, doing, checking and acting – all separately. I will attempt to explain it for you:

Plan – this video should make you realize the importance of proper planning.

Do – do whatever you have planned.

Check – check whatever you did.

Act – act upon whatever you checked.

Yes, this answer is worth 16 whole marks.

I pity the good-hearted Japanese who framed 5S – SEIRI, SEITON, SEISO, SEIKETSU and SHITSUKE. So much have we cursed them for making us study by heart random Japanese words. I have framed my own 5S principle to reflect the current Indian political mentality. If not now, I sincerely believe this is going to make me famous in the near future.

Sort  the amount of money you wish to swindle and allocate the rest, if any, for the upliftment of the people.

Set in order the account you maintain for yourself in an international bank, preferably the one in Switzerland.

Swindle as much as you can in your term so that there is nothing left for your successor. Make hay while the sun shines.

Shake off all that the people blame on you and fake probity at all times.

Shutting up is what you should never do. Thump on your chest and question anyone who questions you whether they love their native tongue as much as you do. That should settle all issues.

Now I have exhausted the little I studied for my exam. Hope you had a good read. Grow to love the concepts of TQM. Happy weekend!

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13 Responses to “Total Waste Management”

  1. hari said

    Hey ..nice post ..really good 🙂
    Liked every bit of it …..

  2. Taguchi said

    I am thankful I wasn’t involved in this post. May you pass TQM with flying colours.

  3. ladykedi said

    @Hari Thank you.

    @Taguchi I really liked your loss function. Good bit of thinking on your part =P

  4. ysh said

    good one!!! BTW i remenber someone telling me that they wanna go to a B school..do u know that person LK? 😀

  5. Arvind said

    Follow jayakumar and prosper without learning a word of the subject!!

  6. ladykedi said

    @Ysh Kampeni secret ma!

    @Arvind What prompted me to write this post was following Jayakumar! Thank you for lending me that great book =D

  7. athi said

    Hello.. its u who taught me all of tqm principles… how can u act mercilessly like a moron when it is in your blog.. makkale.. pls dont believe her.. she is the class topper in TQM…

    • ladykedi said

      Athinthra, you jerk! How rude of you to call me a moron! Just understand that because I taught you TQM it does not mean
      1. I like TQM
      2. I am a class topper
      3. I know a lot of TQM
      Mean guy you are! Po!

  8. Kaizen is not a person..!! it is the Japanese for “continuous improvement”

  9. wisetongue19 said

    this was just pure gold

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