Statement of Perception

April 9, 2011

Let us face it, all of us lie on our SOPs to some extent at least. We try sounding like wannabe passionate researchers adding to USA’s economy but end up sounding more like paava patta Indian student looking for an escape from the Indian education system. We go a further step to overdraw our mini projects and talk of them as potential publication material. Lady Kedi has been there, and Lady Kedi has done that. So she is attempting to write an inside story of what a typical Indian student’s purpose is. Only, she will call her SOP the “Statement of Perception” as it always is cast in a veil of manipulated purpose. So here it goes:

An idle mind is a researcher’s workshop

–         Anonymous

It is strongly believed that you get extra plaudits for a SOP if you start with a quote and hence, I am starting this SOP with a quote which reflects my attitude towards life. I am Lady Kedi and I wish to apply for graduate studies in your University. I have wanted to study in Berkeley, ever since I saw Vaaranam Aayiram. Besides that one main reason, I am told that the weather in California is very agreeable. Also, my mother thinks it’s the best place for me to spend the next few years of my life in. One can see middle aged Mamis putting vadams to dry in California, she says. That apart, Berkeley is said to be one of the top ranked universities and hardest to get into. Since I have always been a good student and because I always get what I want, I thought, why not apply to Berkeley.

When I say I am a good student, I am being very honest with you. I scored centum in Mathematics in High School. You should know that full marks are rarely given in the State Board stream, especially in Mathematics. This goes to prove my genuine interest in the subject and my aptitude for the same. It was only natural that I took up engineering after school because of my capability in the sciences as well as Mathematics. I am proud to say that I have meritoriously gained admission into a premier institution in India, which ranks only next to the Indian Institute of Technologies.

Right from my first semester as a freshman, I have shown immense interest in applying the theory learnt in class to practical day to day things. In my very first semester, I displayed a toy model of a gas stove at the Planetarium along with many kids from school. I went on to design various equipments in my second semester by referring many publications and passing the ideas off as my own. I learnt a new trick (of the trade), never cite references. The same way, I was able to publish one of my “works” in a leading Cambodian journal.

I also learnt to append my name in the works of others, especially when it was getting published in eminent journals. I am proud to say that I have 27 publications in just 6 semesters of my undergraduate study and 11 more are under review. I started working in a lab in my college where my sole responsibility was to make sure that no one used the Transmission Electron Microscope or the Gas Chromatography Column. I believe this has given me enough experience to handle both these equipments and I have always used them to generate more papers that I can publish in the future.

In the 5th semester of my undergraduate study, I learnt of a magic tool called curve fitting. If only I could somehow manipulate and find those few constants, I could publish even more! As it would be clear to you by now, I was an old hand at manipulation. I also discovered another useful trick – track the latest publications, apply the same for your process and get it published even sooner. In the interim, I developed the contacts of a few eminent professors, one of whom has promised to get me admitted into a third tier institution in the US.

I also stand the first in my class with a CGPA of 9.98. I was a 10-pointer for 4 consecutive semesters. The grading system is extremely rigid here and we are seldom questioned from our class notes. My CGPA goes to prove my intelligence in answering any type of question and also my unctuous smartness with the faculty.  I do not have any real aptitude towards research, but I can promise you at least 200 publications in my 2 years of study at your university. I wish to work under Prof. Paableish since he has 268 papers under his name. I already see a strong match of interest between us. I also would like to work under Prof. Hansum as he looks very cute and has just passed out of MIT. I would be very grateful if the graduate committee can recommend this application to Prof. Srinivasa Venkataramanan as he is my Aunt’s mother-in-law’s cousin’s brother-in-law’s son. Also, Mom says it is better to work under a vegetarian. I sincerely hope to get admitted.

Whatever has been said above, though not always entirely true, holds good for each of us. The more truth there is in it, the more reason for you not to study any further. The post is completely sarcastic and has not been written keeping any single person in mind. Thank you for reading all of it.

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13 Responses to “Statement of Perception”

  1. ysh said

    Good one!! exactly the reason why i didnt want to write GRE!!

  2. Orangutan said

    You would have got an admit from Stanford had you submitted this!

  3. Krishna Kumar said

    hey i understood tat it was sarcasm wen i read abt our university being ranked next to IIT. tat may be true. still……………..

  4. ladykedi said

    @Ysh GRE…hmmm…that was hellish!

    @Orangutan Don’t poke finger in open wound =D

    @Krishna Kumar Still what?

  5. aravind said

    haha nice 🙂 @orangutan infi likes 🙂

  6. athinthra said

    enna oru sarcasm…
    @all… her last note especially “has not been written keeping any single person in mind” is completely a false statement. Iva yaara target panna nu enakku theriyum.. 😛 😛

  7. Anirudh Ramkumar said

    I displayed a toy model of a gas stove at the Planetarium along with many kids from school— absolutely rocks! was invited to go that project display thingy by a friend of mine who presented some lame thing .. LOL

  8. Seshadri said

    Hi Kedi,
    Really enjoyed reading this post! you have a really vivid writing style 🙂

  9. vijay03 said

    Nice one 🙂 Cambodian leading journal! Lol!

  10. ladykedi said

    @Seshadri and Vijay03 Thanks a lot.

  11. Sush said

    haha. Exactly what I thought. After the first advice I heard about doing an MS, I thought, “It’s like they want to put me in a cannon and shoot me out of this country; Thats all they care about!”

    Great article!

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