Happy April Fools’!

April 1, 2011

All of us are weary of April Fools’ Day. It has been done to death. So this year, instead of poorly orchestrated pranks, false alarms and lame “Happy Birthday” wishes,  I have compiled a list of the most foolish occasions internationally being celebrated that could well be clubbed with April Fools’. Here goes:

Answer your cat’s question day (Jan 22nd)

Why should we celebrate this day?  So that our cat’s questions don’t go unanswered, of course! Just imagine leaving your fancy feline to its own doubts, contemplating on the questions life doles out to it…shudder, you just have to answer those for your cat! Now, how would you know what you should answer? Celebrate “Cat answers Mistress’ Question Day”!

Or, you can do this.

Appreciate a dragon day (Jan 16th)

How many times have you seen a crowd of dragons and marveled at their collective grace? How many times have you thought of these fire-breathing wings-batting flame-spitting creatures as beauties? Then you just have to celebrate this day!

Furriesonline.com suggests you to celebrate by doing the following:

  • Study about dragons and their significance in different cultures.
  • Write your very own story about your very own dragon.
  • Draw your very own dragon. Tutorial here.
  • Watch a dragon movie.

I suggest the following:

You are a possible schizophrenic. Please go consult your shrink. Sorry to burst your bubble, but DRAGONS DO NOT EXIST.

Bad Poetry Day (Aug 18th)

This is your chance to win lose the Montreal International Poetry Prize. While you are at losing it, why not lose it with panache? And that is why you should write bad poetry. How would you know it is bad? If your poem satisfies all or most of these conditions, you can be assured that your poem sucks.

  • Do not adhere to any specific rhyme scheme. Or pattern. Or any regularity whatsoever.
  • Let not any of your sentences make sense. Utilize your freedom of expression to the maximum and construct verses that cover a gamut of topics, within a strophe.
  • Invent your own words. When Roald Dahl can do it, so can you!
  • The longer, the better. The more mundane, the more pathetic. And pathetic is what you want your poem to be.

A sample,

The Three

Anya, Manya, Ponya

Live in Kenya.

They dance like fools,

In the pool.

They play with a pin,

And toys which make a din.

They sleep like a log,

A jolly life –

Like a butcher,

Without a knife.

Don’t Step on a Bee Day (Jul 10th)

Damn, how often this happens! You are walking on the road, lost in thoughts. A sudden squelch. And you’ve stepped on a bee! It’s writhing in pain. It’s wings have come off. With a last wrench and wriggle, it dies. It dies. These bees! Why do they have to keep crawling on the road when they can fly? Why don’t bees fly? Why do they always find their way under my shoes? Why do they make me a bee-killing psychopath? Remember, don’t step on a bee on this day. It’s too easy to. You do it always. Mark your commitment to a bee’s healthy happy life by celebrating this occasion.

Name your PC Day (Nov 22nd)

Another thing the world learnt from India. Superstar named his taxi Latchumi. As always, he set a trend. People then just had to name their houseplant, their cell phones, their bikes and their computer was no exception. I call my laptop Latchumi. Mark of respect for the Superstar you see. Also, mark of being dumb, useless and out of work.

Read in Bathtub day (Feb 9th)

Waitees! I do not have a bathtub. What do I do? Pity you missed out on the whole essence of celebrating this day. Never to worry – just read. Preferably where the bathtub is closely associated with. Popularize this concept. In a few years we can all celebrate “Read in the Bathroom Day”. No, I’m not going to go into details here. Family web site.

Zipper Day (Apr 29th)

Your maanam kaakum zipper. Have you ever once taken a moment to revere it? The only time it gets acknowledged is when its gets stuck, broken or un-zips on its own accord. We shout profane curses at it. Observe a minute of silence this year for all the zippers you’ve used. They deserve it as much as a martyr’s death does.

From the top of my mind, here are a few more that are more in line with life in Chennai and well worth celebrating,

Lungi day – Celebrate Tamil Nadu’s official dress. Couple it with ara-drawers. Shout with a beedi in your mouth. Sit on your haunches. Yes, girls too.

Filter Kaapi Day – For me, this is heaven in a cup. Smoking hot heaven. Let us celebrate over a cuppa!

Vada poche Day – For those of you who think this is Spanish, see this.

I should probably write a separate post on “Aaniye pudunga vendam”, “Enna koduma Saravanan idhu!” and my favourite “Vada poche”. For all the times this refrain has sounded in our mind’s voice during extremely apt situations (like flunking an exam you’ve studied hard for, getting slapped by a girl you proposed to), it is only fair that we celebrate it. Plan an event and Lady Kedi will be there for the occasion.

Though vada poche is my favourite, there is a strong contender we cannot ignore. This time its bajji. Please watch this video.

No, he is human despite his ursine countenance.

Vetti Scene DayVetti Scene is a phrase oft used by the youth of Chennai. For the uninitiated: Vetti essentially means jobless and Scene signifies anything boastful. The speciality of “vetti” is its wide usage. Examples: vetti dog, vetti pechu, vetti vela, vela vetti and so on. It describes my life in a nutshell. What more reason to celebrate!

Mama-Machan Day – It literally translates to uncle – brother-in-law day. It’s the Tamil equivalent of the English dude. We don’t say dude because most people here say dyood. I believe this blog’s readership constitutes primarily of young people. Hence I will not go into explaining how relevant calling others Mama, Machan, Mapla or Dude is.

I strongly propagate clubbing April fools’ with a few or all of these occasions. Please suggest alternative things that we could do to make these days more fun and um, senseless!

PS: This post was supposed to be written in collaboration with Low-funda-boy. But he backed out because I made references that his hero TR resembled a grizzly. Also due to his general laziness.


7 Responses to “Happy April Fools’!”

  1. Athinthra said

    U missed many… Beer bottle day, smoke rings day, kuthaatam day, LOL day etc.

  2. Sandhya S said

    Tat was awsm!!! I had a big smile al thro it n laughed out loud in some places 🙂 🙂 great going!!!

  3. Sandhya said

    Me too looking forward to collaborations between Lady Kedi and Low-Funda boy 😉

  4. @ladykedi: Your contempt and arrogance towards Sir TR will not be forgiven. However, thanks for the undue credit and people who stalk your blog seem to click that Low funda boy hyperlink too! 😀

  5. ladykedi said

    @Sandhya Thanks so much for all the encouragement =D
    @Low-Funda-Boy Good for you =|

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