Hate this on Facebook

March 27, 2011

I do not have anything against Facebook. I am neither an extremist who denounces social networking nor a Facebook junkie who needs to spend 10 hours stalking online profiles. Nonetheless, I cannot stand the people belonging to the latter category. Out of joblessness, here is a countdown of ten things that I find meaningless and equally irritating on Facebook.

10. Un-tagging Photos

Granted everyone cannot look good every time a photo is taken. But photos in which you look horrendous are always more memorable. They are a lot of fun to see and recount. Plus, everyone is sick of looking at your 100+ photoshopped poses that would have been your claim to fame. Pity you don’t get paid for all the modeling you’ve been doing.

9. Random “like”s

So you did not get paid for your photo shoot. But hey, 354 people have liked your photo! If that doesn’t make your day then what does. The icing on the cake is the comments:-

Hey you look cute ya

Beautiful photo di

And the omnipresent “Awesome pic” which cues that you should comment the same on the photo of the person who commented on yours.

The like option for every comment does not make things better. Or simpler. Next to attention seekers with atrociously photoshopped/picasa-ed faces, this option has given rise to attention seekers of a worse kind: Whose comments get the maximum number of likes?

People call me jobless!

8. Love digging your nose, then Like this!

Facebook has also given rise to a number of sleazy sites that list an even greater number of dumb scenarios which you can “like”. What useful outcome, you may ask. Just letting the world know more about me, they will say. Who wants to know, I ask. Profile stalkers and people who have crushes on them, I answer myself.

7. Professor Lykeet’s Research Group on Facebook

I will never understand this. Just when I was getting convinced that this Professor in a leading American University was just the person I’d like to work with, I noticed in the corner of his official Research Group website – a smallish chicklet urging me to like his work, on Facebook! I have not gone back to that page ever since.

6. Happy Birthday Mommy

Why would people want to wish their parents on Facebook when:

They must have met them just 2 minutes ago, in all probability when the parent was yelling at them to get off Facebook.

They live together and the whole world knows about it.

The parent in question never checks their Facebook account and has to be notified by the son/daughter that they have been wished on Facebook.

Here is a sample:

The extent people go to show their parental love.

5. Wilting crops and dying fish

It is best that I do not get started on this. Just five words – “I don’t give a damn”.

6. Daily Horoscope

The most irritating application people can ever use. These always talk about lost love or your waiting soul mate. And they flood your wall. Just so people using it get on your nerves to the largest extent possible, they tag you too. So you get “Warne’s Fire Ball” or “Astrologer Anita’s Prophesy” and get your very own photo of a “Friendship Tournament” – your “best friend” being the person who has “liked” your updates the most.

5. Arbitrary Statuses

People love to kindle your curiosity. Gossip gets around faster that way. What better way to do it than a random meaningless status update that does not make sense to anyone? Typical examples:

“Eeeee”

“Brrrr…”

“So happy!”

Sure comment fetchers, these.

4. The Update Glut

Certainly you know that person who has to keep updating all his life’s happening? From traffic in Thiruvanmiyur to a dead rat on their terrace, the world should know what’s up with them. In the case of a very un-happening day, they resort to animated gif images and slightly funny YouTube videos to keep the waiting crowd updated.

3. Hokey-Pokey

What these pokes signify will remain an eternal mystery to me. Maybe I am not sophisticated enough to understand their relevance. The last time I saw people poking each other was on Love Aaj Kal. I did think it was cute, but I don’t seem to be able to draw parallels between all the anonymous pokes I get and what Imtiaz Ali showed me. Anyway, I try to play along and poke the pokers I know.

2. Reply S’il-Vous-Plait

This was one of the things I liked about Facebook. Liked. Of late, people start an event for any reason! These should drive home my point:

1. E-mail? What’s e-mail?

I cannot imagine not opening my Gmail account the first thing when I come online. I thought this was normal behavior, until I started spotting conversations like these with increasing frequency:

Attention seeking disorder? But isn’t Facebook’s raison-d’etre to pander to attention seekers? Please enlighten me, you Facebook folks!

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10 Responses to “Hate this on Facebook”

  1. Saravanan said

    Seems showing personal anger on those E-mail ppl!!!

  2. Oregano said

    lol! loved the happy birthday amma thing 😀 how dumb!

  3. aravind said

    lol awesomeness 😀

  4. Poker said

    Don’t you randomly poke people on Facebook? 😛

  5. ysh said

    naaice!!!!

  6. “”LIKE”” ur ” un tagging fotos, random like s”

  7. Partha said

    am gonna share this on facebook : )i guess u don mind this as u have not mentioned in ur 12 things u dislike in fb…

  8. gtoosphere said

    This was a facebook experiment I did sometime back that explains a lot of behavior that you’re ranting about :p

    http://gtoosphere.blogspot.com/2010/03/hot-girl-pseudonym.html

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